Leta's spiritual lesson for the day: Take time to watch the sunrise with your child when he/she wakes up before you wanted him/her to.
Leta is a parent of 3 of her own boys and is a primary decision maker with her husband. For her, 2nd Thought Parenting means that there is:
* The first thought when a situation happens is, "Oh, that is great/bad!"
* Then second thought is, "What can I learn from this?" or "Where do we go from here? Up? Down? Positive? Negative?"
Making parenting decisions is tricky when other layers are present, like exes, adoptive parents, grandparents, etc.
Lori Hamilton gave up her daughter for an open adoption when she was seventeen. Her daughter’s birth inspired Lori to study how to be a good parent for when she might have the chance again. Now the step-mother of 7 and 9 year old daughters, she and her husband have the girls every other week. She finds that any time a parenting decision must be made, she must think twice before thinking or acting.
Theresa is a mentor turned foster parent.
□ What are some basic building blocks?
* You must be familiar with each other’s parenting philosophies. Sometimes you can take them into account. Sometimes, you know that you can only implement your strategies when they are with you. But at least know how each party feels about:
~ Medical issues, from boo-boos to which emergency room and doctor’s office
~ Money
~ Chores
~ Hygiene
~ Routines
~ Education
* Are there any issues that a particular parent would like to handle, e.g. first bra?
* Have a family counselor, mediator, or child advocate ready and up-to-speed, even if you don’t go on a regular basis.
~ in case the children have something they need to express to a particular parent, so you don’t get caught in the middle. It is important that the child establish a positive brain circuit about expressing his/her needs safely and being heard.
~ if there are mood or personality disorders in the family tree, a Cognitive Therapist can be a life saver!
~ in case you need someone to help negotiate, e.g. similar routines at both households, etc.
* Take parenting classes, even if you think you are a good parent. They have fabulous ideas!
~ “Love and Logic” classes, books, and newsletters are sources of gold!
□ Whenever possible, put off making the decision by telling the child that you need to think about this and you’ll get back to him/her. GET BACK TO THEM!
□ Theresa
* Nurture! Nurture! Nurture!
* Provide one-on-one time, so the child feels like they count.
* Make memories, anything from a walk to Disney World counts.
* Know what the state requires/expects from a foster parent.
* Know that your family’s values may not translate over as easily.
~ For example, “going to college” may end up watered down to “staying alive & safe”.
* Know that the child will always fantasize and hold onto the hope of being with their biological parents.
* Provide a mirror for them if possible. Let them see pictures of the biological parent and find similarities for the parent and child. Even the tiniest things, like toes, can help a child find a sense of identity. (However, NEVER bad-mouth the biological parent, since that means you are bad-mouthing the child’s genetics and, therefore, the child.)
* Try to find a partner to parent with, so you don’t have to go it alone. You could even find someone who provides a god-parent/mentor like role. Discuss parenting values ahead of time. Have someone to bounce ideas off of.
* If going from mentor to parent, navigating the course of boundaries, expectations and rules will be tricky. Trust your intuition.
~ You could discuss with the child that this will mean you are taking on additional responsibilities with your new role and give examples of how that will look.
~ You could have the child be a part of deciding the household rules.
□ Spiritual perspective – Little Soul and the Sun (Neale Donald Walsche, Hampton Roads Pub.?)
* In Heaven, what lessons did we decide we wanted to learn?
* Which players loved you enough to participate and which roles are they playing?
* How do you best perform your role for each of them?
* How do you NOT perform the role you are not designed to play?
* If I can’t provide the best support, which player could, e.g. godparent? Teacher?
□ Past Life Coins: Could you possibly be experiencing the opposite point of view that you didn't see in the past life when the tables were turned?
□ Active imagination:
* Get grounded.
* Picture your soul/spirit self in a peaceful setting talking to the soul/spirit self of the other person. (You can do this with your child, the ex, the spouse's ex, the co-worker, or anyone annoying you!)
* Ask what lesson they need to learn from you.
* Ask what is blocking them from learning it.
* Ask what you can do to remove this obstacle.
* Repeat for yourself, e.g. what you need to learn from them, your obstacles, what he/she can do to help remove the obstacle, etc.
* Imagine the two of you walking into the sunset holding hands.
* (If you need to say goodbye…)
~ Say the sentiments of the prayer in _Zero Limits_ by Joe Vitale: I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.
~ Release him/her from the role they are playing in your life.
~ Walk away from each other.
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