Since we have our two young ladies every other week, we often notice how much more grown up they seem when they come back from being with their mother. It is amazing! I feel blessed to get these "Oh wow!" moments so often. It reminds me to stay in this moment, because they are going to change again.
This "staying present" is an essential tool. When we hear inaccurate reports from the ex-wife about what the girls have said, we never know who is twisting the story. However, having done research about the mental illnesses that the ex-wife has, I know that telling her what she wants to hear is one of the tools that the girls have at their disposal to help their mother feel better and, therefore, make their relationship with her feel more comfortable. However, these stories are often very hurtful. I get to deal with feelings of sadness, anger, betrayal, and bewilderment during the week when they are gone.
On the day that they return, I often feel nervous about how things will go. I never want to take my anger out on them. I am not supposed to question them about the truth. I'm just supposed to love them unconditionally. On Mondays, I tend to doubt myself and wonder how I can do this. Then, when I pull up in front of the house, one of them stands at the door ready to greet me with a hug and the other comes out to help carry stuff in from the car. I see their smiles and I realize, "This moment, right here, right now is okay. We do love each other unconditionally right now. Many right nows add up to a life full of unconditional love!"
Whether you are a parent or not, I hope what I share here helps you find hope and tools that help us feel whole... Please pass this blog on to anyone you know that has experienced sadness, disappointment, trauma, abandonment, or anger in their past. What am I talking about: The more I get to parent, the more I realize how important it is for me to heal my own emotional baggage, so I can be an emotionally healthy example as we guide the next generation to be all that they can be.
