Psychology says a secure bond between a child and caregiver is important. Statistics show that babies with a secure attachment with at least one caregiver grow up to have healthy relationships with teachers, friends, future mates, etc.
Who doesn't want that for not only our own children? But wouldn't it be wonderful if every human felt secure and had healthy relationships?
Even if you are not a parent, you have met a child who needed security: a student, a relative, a child in the grocery store.
As a teacher, I often felt helpless. I wanted to take some of my students home and make everything all better. After trying a million different things, I finally realized the only thing I could do was be the best teacher I could be.
That meant starting with me, taking better care of myself with enough rest, exercise, meditation, and writing. I began healing my own stuff. My classroom instantly reflected the change.
Now that I am a step-mother, I don't have as much time for these healthy behaviors. Still, I want to help the girls feel secure.
Although they were securely attached with at least one primary caregiver, I wasn't there at the beginning of their lives to foster a secure attachment to me. Is it too late? How can I give them this gift?
I realized I can start with myself.
I fostered +/- 35 foster kids, mostly teen boys. No one wanted to deal with teen boys. I wasn't there at the beginning but I put their needs as a priority and everything important to them was important to me. I now have a stepson. He moved in when he was 14. He is now 22. It has been a challenge but we just continue to love, regroup, and take it day by day. He is home again and I hope he learns more before he goes out and tries to live in a world that does not care if they make his life easy, happy or secure. I pray he will stay, get his foundation to care for himself, build his self-esteem, and embrace the love he has at home that he fights against at times. We make mistakes, so does he...but we still love each other so we always get a "do over."
ReplyDeleteThose photos are so meaningful to me. I know what you promised your children and I believe in you-you will accomplish it.
ReplyDeleteSue