I thought I'd update you with good stuff! The girls are doing better all the time! They are getting used to the routine and remembering more of it on their own. They are able to reflect more positively on their days now. Before, it would have been a great day, and they'd say it was ok or not good. It's like they have permission to enjoy their life and their family now. There was only one exception with the temporary setback after the ex wife's boyfriend visited the oldest daughter at school. That was scary! It was like the healing process had to start all over again.
The nine year old is growing up so much and making responsible decisions. One Wednesday, after a sleepover the Saturday before, she announced she was going to eat early and go to bed early, so she'd have an easier time waking up in the morning. OK! She also set up a treasure hunt with a sweet card at the end that said I had made it all the way through the treasure hunt..."all the way into our family! I love you soooo much!"
The eleven year old actually likes middle school! She is drawing again and feeling good about it. She's writing to her friend in Idaho often now, which I think is good! When she told Dad about getting to wear a hat at school on Friday if you pay 50 cents and he offered the money to her, she said, "Well I think Lori already said no, so you better talk to her about that." She earned it by rinsing out the cabbage cutter (after he turned 9 heads of cabbage into saurkraut). She gets into a disagreeable mood the PMS and period weeks (with "but..." when an adult offers empathy or a solution), but she seems to be coming out of that again and back to her intelligent and wonderful self.
There were about 3 times where I could tell the younger one was missing mom, but we got through them unscathed. You can't tell as much with the older one, but they left out a note on the bathroom counter talking about it. It seemed like they wanted us to find it. I think that is smart. We can act accordingly as a result. The whole topic is much better than I had predicted it would be, though.
They don't yet know how permanent living with us is, since we didn't know what the judge will decide after their mom has a psychological evaluation and proves she can follow the psychologist's recommendations. I don't know, maybe they do know on some level...they are excited about the idea of moving to Germany where I can teach and asked all kinds of questions but never once asked what that would mean for seeing their mom.
Life is good! Luke is driving a taxi like crazy, and I am doing an internship with A Family For Every Child for credit toward my teaching certificate. I love their efforts to connect foster kids with adoptive families for a Forever Family.
The ex wife has put all her eggs in the appeal basket, so as of yet, she isn't proceeding with the psych eval that the judge ordered as a condition to see the girls. I wonder what that will mean for visitation. I guess we'll find out on December 19th.
In the meantime, our family is enjoying Christmas decorations, saurkraut, movies about Berlin, learning German, and spending time with family.
Much love and holiday warmth to you and yours,
Lori
Whether you are a parent or not, I hope what I share here helps you find hope and tools that help us feel whole... Please pass this blog on to anyone you know that has experienced sadness, disappointment, trauma, abandonment, or anger in their past. What am I talking about: The more I get to parent, the more I realize how important it is for me to heal my own emotional baggage, so I can be an emotionally healthy example as we guide the next generation to be all that they can be.
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