Making bunk beds is hard!
Yes, physically it is grueling, but for a new stepmom, it is emotionally difficult, too.
I was thrilled when the girls were excited about the Raggedy Ann bedspreads and curtains that my sister and I used when we were little. My husband had put the bunk beds together. When the girls came to spend their first week with us in this house we’re still renovating, our evening with them was perfect. They cheerfully ate their vegetables and took a bath in our new bath tub. They smelled good and felt cozy in their pajamas. We cuddled and had a bed time story. They crawled into bed and refused to sleep between the sheets.
“Hmmm. But isn’t that the way everyone sleeps?” is what I thought but didn’t say. I just hugged and kissed them and tuck them in, baffled.
So, I am obviously used to doing something the way I grew up. I talked to my husband and found out that he is used to sleeping with just blankets. He’s been being a good sport sleeping with me with sheets. I talked to my mother-in-law and found out that although she tried to get the girls to do the same thing when they lived with her the year her son left his first wife, they were focused on having their special blankets next to their skin.
OK, that made sense. They miss their Mom, and the blankets remind them of her. But this sounded like it might go further than just growing out of needing a special blanket if they aren’t used to sleeping with clean sheets every other week. This sounded like a lifestyle change that I couldn’t impose without making it seem like the way their Mom does it is wrong. Just because it is different than any hotel or guest bed I’ve ever stayed in doesn’t mean that I’m right.
In the meantime, how do I wash these special blankets when we don’t have a washer and dryer yet? How long will these old blankets last if they need to be washed more often than before? Shall I explain the skin/bugs thing that was on Oprah, or will that scare them?
The first winter one daughter needed piles of blankets, including the down comforter off of my bed. Still not enough, she needed one electric blanket on top and another one under her.
The first spring the other daughter left her special blanket at her Mom’s house and noticed on her own that she had been sleeping fine without it.
The first summer, I had some of their special blankets clean and folded in the closet. The girls saw them and didn’t take them out to put on their beds. For Tracy’s 9th birthday, we bought her a HUGE, fuzzy blanket with a horse on it. She still didn’t want it between the sheet and the bed spread. I wash it occasionally and make sure they go to bed clean.
The second autumn, we bought a similar blanket for Ashly’s 7th birthday; hers has a unicorn. She noticed hers was a lot fuzzier than her sister’s. I suggested that sleeping with a sheet between her and the blanket would keep it from getting dirty and needing to be washed as often.
That night, both girls slept between the sheets. I didn’t realize this until I was putting something away in their room and Tracy said, “Look!” and pointed to the sheet.
"Wow!" I said and gave her another kiss on the cheek as she went back to reading her book. Dare I feel victorious about getting them one step closer to what I consider civilized? No.
This past Christmas, we got them each a duvet (with hypoallergenic stuffing rather than feathers in case of allergies). My precious mom sewed the Raggedy Ann bedspreads to the Raggedy Ann sheets and then sewed these duvet covers onto the duvets. The girls loved them!
Ashly promptly got under hers, so sheet material was under her and over her. "Now you can also put your big horse blanket on top of this if you need more," I said as I hugged and kissed her goodnight. Ashly shook her head and put it on the pillow with that satisfied and cozy expression on her face.
Tracy crawled in on top of the duvet and went to pull the horse blanket over her. So now we were back to square zero, no sheets touching her and two clean sheets two layers beneath her. "Tuck me in, please," Tracy requested.
"OK!" I said as kissed and hugged her and then tucked both sides and the end of her horse blanket around her like a cocoon. My husband smiled at me as we walked into the hallway.
The next week Tracy asked me for the sheet made out of t-shirt material. I brought it in, and she put it on top of her under her big blanket. The next night, I turned the duvet over, so she was at least on the side with the sheet. Now how long would this last?
Then, according to an email from the ex, the girls tell her that we only let them sleep with sheets and no blankets. I wanted to scream! Thank God for a counselor who helped debunk that one (pun intended).
When the duvet covers were washed, my mom stayed up until 3:00 A.M. two different nights to sew them back on. Now that we finally have a washer and dryer hooked up, I'll get to have that privilege! This time Tracy slept under the duvet with the t-shirt sheet.
I know! Put the t-shirt sheet on with the duvet and Raggedy Ann bedspread? Will we ever get this down?
My way may come, but it will come in their time. If not, oh well. Both ways are ok.
